How to Ruin an Orgasm: Techniques to Make Him Beg

Reviewed by
Last updatedLast updated: April 23, 2024
JoyNights is reader-supported. We may earn a commission through products purchased using links on this page. Learn more about our process here

We’ve all been conditioned to believe that sex should end with an orgasm. After all, orgasms feel wonderful and the whole sex act is a build up to that release. But as your sex fantasies evolve, you may be wondering how to ruin an orgasm in an attempt to increase your sexual feelings. While we’ve often had orgasms ruined on accident, say with a mistimed phone call, or the cries of a child waking up at night, there are ways to willingly ruin an orgasm or make the man leak precum. Both men and women can opt for this type of sexual play but our article will focus mainly on how to ruin an orgasm for men. Above all, if both partners are willing to engage in this type of play, it can be a very rewarding experience for everyone.

What is a ruined orgasm?

Essentially, a ruined orgasm is when a person, usually a man, is brought to the brink of an orgasm but then is forced not to continue. While a ruined orgasm can happen due to unforeseen circumstances, for our purposes, we will discuss a ruined orgasm that is done on purpose.

In the realm of BDSM, there is usually one person who holds power and forces another person, with consent, into various sexual acts, which have been agreed upon beforehand. Engaging in a sexual episode with an agreed upon ruined orgasm is one such way to engage in BDSM behavior.

The person with control, the dominant, tells the person without control, the submissive when to stop the sexual act. This is done right before a man is able to orgasm and shoot semen, thus ruining the normal ending. However, while on the outset this might seem unfulfilling, a different need is being met. BDSM is about power, limits, and fulfilling desires. A ruined orgasm not only allows a person to feel submissive but it an also set up a thrilling engagement the next time a sex act is begun.

What does it feel like?

Despite its name, most men do actually reach an orgasm with a ruined orgasm but it is quite the different feeling. During typical sex, a woman helps a man reach an orgasm, through various means. But with a ruined orgasm, right before the man is about to ejaculate, the woman stops their ministrations. Usually, there is so much built-up tension that the man is able to ejaculate on its own but it is a more frustrated feeling.

Another option is when there is no orgasm whatsoever. Again, the woman takes the man right to the edge and then stops what she is doing. If this is timed right, there is not enough friction or movement left and the man is left unfulfilled.

It can be an agonizing, torturous experience as sex usually leaves both parties wanting a release. If the release doesn’t come, this energy is still spent and there is a lot of frustration, both sexually and in terms of power dynamics.

However, man men that experience a ruined orgasm for the first time end up going back for more. Again, it is a power dynamic and the experience of submitting may be more of a turn-on than simply looking for an orgasm.

Why do men like it?

With a ruined orgasm, the woman, or dominant, is in complete control. There are many people who enjoy being in a submissive position and giving up the power to have an orgasm is peak submissive.

There are also men who like to test their bodies and take them to the limit. Not everyone can handle the frustration of a ruined orgasm and it can even seem like a point of pride to know that you came close but weren’t able to get the desired release.

Furthermore, a ruined orgasm can make you wanting a real, powerful orgasm, even more. This heightened sexual feeling can make the next sexual act all the more sensational. It can lead someone to anticipate sex more, making the next session that much more engaging.

Depending on how your BDSM relationship is setup, you may not know if a sex act will end in a real orgasm or a ruined orgasm. If this is the case, that extra layer of anxiety can further heighten senses. If you’re not sure if you will be allowed to orgasm, it can create a very different feeling, which some really relish.

How to ruin an orgasm: step-by-step

If you’re ready to dive into the act of ruining an orgasm, here’s everything you need to know.

Get consent

Despite some people’s notions around BDSM, there is a lot of communication and a submissive has an equal share of power as a dominant. Everything is discussed prior, including what is completely off the table. Furthermore, safe words are used and if anything becomes too overwhelming, each person has the option of stopping immediately.

A ruined orgasm is just one way to engage in a BDSM relationship and it should definitely be talked about before engaging in the act. Making sure that each party is comfortable is important. Furthermore, if the man decides at the end that he wants a real orgasm, there should be an easy way for him to communicate this desire.

BDSM is all about trust. Consent is always key and without it or communication, a healthy relationship can’t be had.

Discuss boundaries

As mentioned above, the first part in engaging in a sex session that ends with a ruined orgasm is communication. Safe words should be established and boundaries definitely need to be discussed. How close to the edge do you want to be led? How will the other person know how to stop? The more you communicate ahead of time, the better the experience will be.

Dress for the occasion

When it comes to preparing for a ruined orgasm, experience is everything. Set the tone with how you are dressed. Women who are in a dominant role are often portrayed in leather and heels but you can play around with this outfit. Sexy lingerie is key but you can decide what you feel comfortable in and what makes you feel powerful.

Again, communicate with your partner. Perhaps he has a fantasy he wants fulfilled. In this case, you can even shop together for the perfect outfit. Or, if he wants to be surprised, there are plenty of sexy outfits to discover.

Prepare the setting, accessories, and toys

In addition to wearing the perfect outfit, create an atmosphere that really heightens the tension and sexual energy. Dim the lights, arrange some candles, and maybe even put on some music.

Then, get any toys or accessories ready. The last thing you want to happen is to reach for a specific toy only to realize you forgot it, and then have to ruin the mood while you look for it.

Restrain him

While restraints are optional, they do help with the experience. One part of ruining an orgasm is that the woman is in complete control. For this to happen, restraints can really help. Furthermore, they prevent men from accidentally taking control of the situation and furthering along their own orgasm.

While you may be tempted to use regular rope for restraints, it’s best to invest in a set of restraints specifically for sex purposes. Products like Fifty Shades of Grey restraint set is padded and adjustable so it won’t cause unwanted pain.

Start with foreplay

Most sex is better with foreplay and ruining an orgasm is no exception. There needs to be a lot of leadup before the end, ruined orgasm, so take your time. Some suggestions to include in foreplay are a slow strip tease, for both people, a massage, and a lot of caressing. You can even take some short breaks to really draw out the experience. So much pleasure is in the lead-up to an orgasm so make sure both of you are really enjoying it.


While an orgasm needs a steady build-up to its pinnacle, that build-up does not need to be in a straight line. Teasing can be torturous but it really helps with momentum. Play around with your man. Show him that you are in charge. The more he begs, the more it means you’re hitting just the right spots.

Edge him

Edging a person means taking them close to the edge of an orgasm and then slowly stopping. Then, repeating the action again. Whichever means you are using, go towards the edge but don’t jump off. This can be pure agony for a person, which in the case of a ruined orgasm, is exactly what you’re going for. Just be careful because edging can quickly lead to an orgasm if you’re not careful.

Stop everything!

Finally, just as your man is about to orgasm, stop. Yes, he will be begging you to continue. Yes, you may feel like it is too cruel. However, unless a safe word is used, this was the agreed-upon conclusion of the whole experience and both of you committed to it.

In some cases, the man may actually orgasm on his own. However, this will be a torturous, half-hearted orgasm, which is the point. In other cases, they may be left completely hanging with no means for release.

Best toys to ruin his orgasm

One of the best ways to enhance a ruined orgasm experience is by using the right kind of toys. Sex toys enhance most experiences and in this situation, lead to plenty of pleasure as well as teasing.

Vibrating cock ring

Cock rings are basic sex accessories. They are usually made from silicone and slip around a penis. The ring itself is textured for a different sensation during sex. Like everything though, you can take a cock ring to a whole new level by purchasing a vibrating one.

While some vibrating cock rings are textured, their distinguishing feature is that they vibrate via remote control. Therefore, while you can control it yourself, they are usually created for another person to be in control. Some, like the We-Vibe cock ring can even be controlled from a smartphone.

Slip a vibrating cock ring on during sex and let your partner take over. You can use a vibrating cock ring during intercourse, or, if you really want to tease the person, while they are tied up and have no ability to increase any friction.

Chastity cage

Most people are familiar with a chastity belt for women but there is also a chastity cage for men. At first glance it seems a bit torturous, which admittedly is the point. A chastity cage is fitted around a man’s penis and its purpose is to prevent an erection. Essentially, the metal bars prevent the penis from becoming too engorged. This can be especially painful if the man is being constantly teased as an erection is the natural response in in this situation.


While many women decide to be a part of a ruined orgasm experience, wither by the use of their hands, mouth, or vagina, masturbators can be used as well. These soft sleeves are made to replicate a woman’s vagina, and can be used to further arouse the man.

Delay gel/cream

There are now products that are topical gels that will help a man to delay his orgasm. Interestingly, they are not numbing creams, which cause a lack of sensation. Instead, they simply prolong an erection. If you don’t have a lot of experience with ruining an orgasm, a product like this can help, especially during the first few times when you’re still experimenting.

Realistic dildo

If you’re really trying to tease your partner, engaging in anal play can really bring him to new heights. A realistic dildo, that looks like a penis, can be inserted into the man’s anus to create a more filling experience. If you do go this route, make sure that he has experience with inserting larger objects into his anus and always use plenty of lube.

Vibrating anal plug

Finally, if you’re looking for yet another sex toy to provide the right mixture of pain and pleasure, try a vibrating butt plug. Inserted into the anus, it has a remote control that another person is in charge of. You get to decide how hard it vibrates and at what speed.

Being overstimulated is quite the experience and with a butt plug, the man is brought to a whole new pleasure level.

Self-ruined orgasms: how to

If you’re intrigued by the notion of a ruined orgasm but either don’t have a partner or at least one who isn’t willing to help you out, you can always try it yourself. They key in this scenario is self-control.

The reason a ruined orgasm works so well with a partner is that they are the ones in control and decide when to stop the act. This is also why restraints are often used as once anyone reaches the edge of a climax, they are hard-pressed not to stop.

However, if you want to experience a self-ruined orgasm, there are tricks to try out. The use of remote control vibrators, such as cock rings and anal plugs mean that you can program specific vibrating patterns to keep you on the edge. You can turn these devices off right when you feel like you’re ready to orgasm, which will help to ruin it.

If you’re first attempt at a self-ruined orgasm doesn’t go as planned, don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s hard for anyone to deny themselves pleasure and an orgasm is one of the most pleasurable experiences you can have. If you can’t bring yourself to stop, it’s ok. However, if you want to try again, think over what worked well and what you want to change. Perhaps a new toy is needed or a stronger way of stopping.

Do women experience ruined orgasms?

Yes, women can definitely experience ruined orgasms. The realm of ruined orgasms usually exists in BDSM relationships, and this can involve either a female or male submissive. If a woman wants to try the experience of a ruined orgasm, and they have a willing partner, then they should go for it.

The steps for a woman to have a ruined orgasm are virtually the same as for a man. She should be teased a lot and the use of sex toys can definitely enhance the situation.

Final thoughts

There are many ways to be sexually satisfied and ironically, one of them is by denying yourself satisfaction. A ruined orgasm means that you are brought right to the edge of an orgasm and then, either you stop completely or have a half-hearted, unsatisfying orgasm. While both men and women can engage in this practice, it is usually the case of a female dominant and a male submissive in a BDSM relationship. The steps above are all you need to understand how to ruin an orgasm. There are many toys you can use to enhance the experience. But above all else, be sure that you communicate with your partner. Discuss limitations and the use of a safe word.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *