What is Soft Swap and How to Make It a Part of Your Love Life

This article will explain what soft swap means, main rules for it and how to practice it with your partner's concent
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Last updatedLast updated: April 03, 2024
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People who aren’t familiar with swinging likely assume it refers to couples who have sex with other people. This isn’t always the case, though, since there are a few different options available for those involved with the swinger lifestyle. One of these is the soft swap, which doesn’t include having intercourse with anyone other than your partner, though there is some sexual activity happening with other people.

There are several different reasons for trying out the soft swap, which can vary from one couple to another. Some people try it out to test the waters to see if swinging is something they are into, while others use it to bring a reluctant partner into this world without the commitment of actual sex with other people. If you’re considering the soft swap but aren’t sure if it is the right choice for you and your partner, the following sections may help you make your decision.

Soft Swap Meaning

The soft swap couple, either married or dating, shares their partners with other people in a sexual way. Though you may expect this involves intercourse, soft swapping doesn’t actually include penetration. Instead, soft swap swingers use manual stimulation, caressing, kissing, dirty talk, and occasionally oral sex. The activity involved can vary from couple to couple, depending on how far you want to go and what you’re comfortable with.

Vocabulary to learn

There are a variety of terms involved with swinging, though you may not use all of them when it comes to a soft swap. Whether or not you need them, it is a good idea to know what the common vocabulary is, just in case.

GG – refers to girl-girl activity

Same room – a couple who participates in a full swap with another couple in the same room

Unicorn – a single woman in the swinger world

Bull – a man with a large penis who likes casual sex

Tri-sexual – a person who tries anything at least once

Hall pass – someone with permission to be involved in play without their partner

Bareback – having sex without a condom

Nudist adventure – swinger codeword for this lifestyle

Meet & greet – an event designed for swingers to meet

On-premise – sexual activities that happen at an event

Off-premise – sexual activities that happen at a location away from the event

House party – a swingers party at a person’s home

Gear to consider

Though you likely won’t need a vibrating cock ring since penetration isn’t part of a soft swap, there is a variety of other gear and toys you can add to make these activities more enticing. You can add a remote control vibrator or some anal beads for stimulation without intercourse. You can also add costumes, like the Dreamgirl Gold Captive Princess Costume, which includes a gold bra, thong, mesh skirt, and collar and comes in a variety of sizes.

As well as adding some fun toys to the mix, you may also want to include condoms in your gear bag. Though the risk of pregnancy isn’t an issue with soft swapping, there are many STIs that can be spread without intercourse. Skin-to-skin contact can transmit viruses and infections, so be sure to be as safe as possible to reduce the risk of catching something you could then spread to your partner.

Though a soft swap doesn’t usually include intercourse, sometimes you may get carried away, so using a condom or some other type of birth control can also prevent pregnancy if things go farther than you expect them to.

Soft Swap vs Full Swap

If you aren’t sure what the difference between these two is, it is a good idea to compare soft swap vs full swap activities. Soft swapping can include a variety of activities, including caressing each other, kissing, and even oral sex. You may also add some light bondage to the mix, including spankings, role-playing, or even tying each other up.

Though a full swap can include everything involved in soft swapping, it takes it further by adding intercourse with other people to the sessions. Two couples may swap partners or just one of them may have sex with someone else while their partner watches. It all depends on what you and your partner agree on and are into.


Those who are considering adding partner swapping may want to establish some rules ahead of time. This is because there may be some boundaries that you aren’t willing to cross. Some people find it quite erotic to watch their partner kissing or playing with another person but don’t like the idea of them having intercourse.

Before you begin any type of swapping activities, be sure to set some rules and boundaries that you each don’t want crossed, either for yourself or for your partner. This ensures that you are both on the same page with what to expect.

You can also alter the rules as you get more comfortable with swapping, as long as you both agree to the new rules you’re setting.

How to Practice Soft Swap

Now that we’ve answered the question of what is a soft swap, it’s time to learn how to put these activities into practice. The following sections cover everything you need to know about soft swapping, making it easier to discuss this type of sexual activity with your partner and begin your swapping lifestyle.


Safety is the first thing to consider with any type of sexual activity but is especially important when you are adding other sexual partners to the mix. There are many reasons for this. The main one has to do with STIs. As we discussed above, even soft swapping can be risky if the person you’re swapping with has an STI. Trusted Source Are Swedish swingers a risk group for sexually transmitted infections? - PubMed The aim of this study was to investigate whether Swedish swingers constitute a risk group for sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Two swinger clubs were invited to participate. At swinger meetings, members were offered an STI sampling kit and a questionnaire.\ pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov HPV can be spread by skin contact, while herpes can be transmitted during kissing or oral sex.

Before you consent to any type of sexual activity with a new partner, you may want to insist on STI screening to be sure everyone is safe to be with in this way. You may also want to use a condom, even if no penetration is taking place, just to be extra cautious.

Partner consent

Swapping isn’t something you can just add to a relationship whenever you like. If one of you is interested in it but the other isn’t, it could likely destroy your relationship if you go and try it out anyway. That’s why getting your partner’s consent to add this bit of spice to your sexual activities is so important. You need to agree to soft swapping, as well as what is allowed when you are with other people, before you can get started. If you or your partner are against swapping altogether, it may be a good idea to veto this type of lifestyle or consider ending the relationship if swapping is something you want to try out but they don’t want to participate.


There are a lot of partners that can become jealous if they see their partner flirting or even just talking to a member of the opposite sex. If the idea of your partner being with another person makes you uncomfortable, even soft swapping may not be something you want to try out.

Of course, if you can manage your jealousy, you may be able to work some swinging into your relationship. Setting boundaries and rules that you both need to follow can help by limiting what you both can participate in, so no one is crossing the line.

Soft swapping can even help you control those insecure and jealous feelings, creating a stronger foundation in your relationship Trusted Source An Exploratory Study of Spouse-Swapping on JSTOR This paper reports on my exploratory attempt to provide, through firsthand experience, both a descriptive and analytic account of a type of interaction known as swinging. www.jstor.org . You just need to remember that the swapping is only for fun, while the more intimate intercourse sessions are just for you.

Things can get too far

Even if you set rules and boundaries before you begin your soft swap session, there could come a time when things go a bit too far and you have intercourse with someone without planning to because you get carried away. It is a good idea to discuss this possibility before you get into soft swapping, just in case it happens in the future.

During this discussion, you may want to decide how you both will handle this together to prepare for such an event. You may also want to discuss ways you can put a stop to your swapping sessions before it leads to intercourse to avoid this possibility. The more you talk about it, the better prepared you’ll be if penetration happens with someone other than your partner.


One of the best parts of soft swapping is that it allows you to explore a variety of scenarios that your partner may not be willing to try out with you. This can include roleplaying or some light bondage, like being tied up or spanked. The Bondage Boutique Luxury Ostrich Feather Tickler is a fun to have, allowing you to tickle and tease for some soft bondage play if you like.

This gives you freedom to explore your sexuality without making your partner uncomfortable since they don’t need to participate or even watch those activities if they don’t want to. You can even test some toys you didn’t know about before, like remote control vibrators. This also allows your partner to try out some sexual play that you aren’t into without forcing you into situations you aren’t comfortable with. Then, when the two of you get back together, you can try out the things you enjoy doing together, leaving the other scenarios for you swapping sessions.

You can have an audience

Though some people prefer to keep their sexual activities to themselves, others are turned on by the idea of being watched while they are involved with sexual play. This is another advantage of soft swapping. You can engage in some sexy play with your swapping partner while your actual partner watches. This may turn them on as well, which can enhance your couple’s sessions when the swapping partners are gone.

As well as allowing your partner to watch you with someone else, some soft swapping allows others to watch as well. They can enjoy the show as you caress, kiss, and perform oral sex on each other, perhaps even doing some swapping of their own after getting turned on by your games. As long as both swapping participants have consented to have an audience, you can let them watch for as long as you like or send them out of the room if you find that you are not completely comfortable being watched during your session.

Stay close to partner

Though soft swapping allows you to participate in some intimate activities with someone other than your current partner, it is important to let your partner know that they are the one you love, no matter what happens during the soft swap.

Doing so can reassure your partner so that they know your relationship hasn’t changed or that you aren’t interested in ending things to be with someone else. They are the ones you want to spend your life with, while the swapping partner is only someone to explore your sexuality within a new and exciting way.

This is especially important if you are doing things in your swapping sessions that your partner isn’t interested in trying out at home. Those games are just for fun, while the sexual activities you share with your partner are the more meaningful experiences. As well as telling them you love them often, it is a good idea to show them as well in any way you think they will appreciate.

Final thoughts

Though the media has given the average person the wrong idea of what swinging is all about, it takes only a bit of research to learn what this type of lifestyle actually entails. The soft swap is no exception since many people believe that this type of activity involves intercourse with a partner, with or without your significant other in the room.

Of course, this is completely inaccurate since a soft swap doesn’t involve penetration at all but instead focuses on touching, kissing, and possibly oral sex if you and your partner agree on this beforehand. It is a good method for easing into the swinger lifestyle since it allows you to explore a more open relationship while maintaining some boundaries that you and your partner agree not to cross.


Are Swedish swingers a risk group for sexually transmitted infections? - PubMed
The aim of this study was to investigate whether Swedish swingers constitute a risk group for sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Two swinger clubs were invited to participate. At swinger meetings, members were offered an STI sampling kit and a questionnaire.\
An Exploratory Study of Spouse-Swapping on JSTOR
This paper reports on my exploratory attempt to provide, through firsthand experience, both a descriptive and analytic account of a type of interaction known as swinging.
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