22 Signs a Guy is Pretending to Be Straight – Don’t Be Fooled!

With these signs, you will be able to unmistakably determine if a guy is only pretending to be straight
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Last updatedLast updated: February 26, 2024
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Gay men dating and marrying women because of fear of prejudice, religion, societal pressures, and family expectations is pretty common worldwide. It can be hard to tell a man is gay just by looking at their physical appearance and fashion sense. So, what are the signs a guy is pretending to be straight? If he is homophobic, overly macho, abuses women, is secretive about relationships and always notices good-looking men, he may be gay.

This article gives detailed hints and tips on how to tell if a guy is gay. It looks at virtually all the signs of a guy pretending to be straight. Remember that people are different, and the signs in this article should not make you conclude that the man around you is gay. It remains a suspicion until he admits to you that he is gay.

How to Tell if the Guy is Pretending to Be Straight

As mentioned earlier, gay men pretend to be straight for various reasons. Here is how you would know your boyfriend, best friend or colleague is pretending to be straight.

1. Body Type and Motion

A guy’s body shape and gait can help you judge whether they are gay or straight. According to a research article by Science Daily, gay people tend to have gender-incongruent body types and motion than single people. A good example of a gender-incongruent body type is an hourglass shape for men or a tubular figure for women. The most common gender-incongruent body motion is hip swaying for men and shoulder swaggering for women.

2. Tone of Voice

There is enough evidence from research studies that homosexual men have significantly higher pitch modulation patterns and less breathy voices compared to their straight counterparts. A research article by the  National Library of Medicine Trusted Source Speech Acoustic Features: A Comparison of Gay Men, Heterosexual Men, and Heterosexual Women - PMC Potential differences between homosexual and heterosexual men have been studied on a diverse set of social and biological traits. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov claims that homosexual men have a vocal breathiness and variations of pitch similar to that of heterosexual women. However, keep in mind that a high-pitched voice is not a foolproof sign of a guy being gay. The same study claims that more studies need to be done to determine whether intonation and vocal breathiness are salient attributes for distinguishing between homosexual and heterosexual beings.

3. He Is Homophobic

Homophobia is a top sign of a gay guy pretending to be straight. If a guy is consistently hostile towards gay guys and holds strong homophobic views, they may have same sex desires.

4. He Is Abusive Towards Women

A gay man in a heterosexual relationship feels trapped because they are living a false reality. The frustrations may make them emotionally abusive and hostile towards their partners, especially when the woman suspects something isn’t right and starts asking questions. The man may accuse his partner of being delusional and imagining things. To cover up the true nature of their sexuality, the man will go to the extremes of attacking his partner’s self-esteem and accusing her of making him or act gay.

5. He Occasionally Dates Girls and Talks About His Sexual Conquests

Some closeted gay men can date girls to keep their secret and convince the world that they are straight. They may not have any sexual relations with their dates, but it is enough to help them hide their sexual orientation.

Another tell-tale sign of a gay guy pretending to be gay is if he talks a lot about his sexual conquests. If he over sexualizes women and talks excessively about his sexual relations with them, he may be overcompensating to cover his sexual orientation.

6. He Is Overly Macho

A gay man who acts overly macho probably does it for two reasons; first, masculine men are not perceived as gay, and second, feminine-acting men get little attention than masculine-acting men in the gay world.

The gay culture obsesses over machismo. On gay dating apps, many men will describe themselves as ‘masc’ and list their ‘straight-acting’ attributes. To sell their masculinity, they will put out information like ‘Works out three times a week.’

7. He Acts Awkwardly Around Men

A gay guy can have a difficult time pretending to be straight around men, especially if they are hot. When a gay guy is pretending to be straight around men, he may get anxious and act awkwardly trying to decide whether to look at them or not.

8. He Always Notices Good-Looking Men

If the man notices good-looking men more often, it is likely that he is gay. A gay man pretending to be straight will always notice handsome men and talk about their good looks. You will hardly hear him compliment women’s features. The most he can do to compliment a woman is talk about her hair or outfit.

9. He is Secretive About his Relationships

A guy who is too secretive about his personal life may be gay and pretending to be straight. If you are unable to tell if he is into males or females because he never mentions his past or present relationships, he may be hiding his sexual orientation.

10. He Uses Non-Gender Specific Words When Speaking of His Personal Life

Other than being secretive about his personal life, a gay guy pretending to be straight can talk about his personal or dating life but use non-gender specific words to describe his partners. He will use pronouns like they, them, we, us or use terms like my crush, my friend, and this person.

11. He’s Never in a Relationship with a Woman

Some gay men will pretend to be straight but would never date a woman because they have zero attraction. Some, also can’t stand the thought of deceiving a woman, thus prefer to stay single. You will know the Guy chooses to remain single if he is attractive and women throw themselves at him and he remains unbothered.

12. He Spends a Lot of Time with One Friend

A gay guy can easily have a secret sexual affair with his best friend even if he is in a heterosexual relationship. He can have sleepovers at his best friends place multiple times and no one would ever suspect anything. If the man around you spends a lot of time with a particular man and sleeps over at his place multiple times he may be in a relationship with him.

13. Most of His Friends are Females

Gay men and women make the best of friends. Women like to be friends with gay men because they know the men have no ulterior motives. They understand and feel comfortable around each other because they are not afraid of being honest and vulnerable. Gay men like being friends with women because they can express their feminine side without judgment.

14. Some Of His Friends Appear to be in the Closet or Gay

If he is close with men who are secretly gay and he opens up to you about it, he may be gauging your thoughts on gay men pretending to be straight. He is curious to know whether you are intrigued or disgusted by gay men.

15. His Sexual Preferences

If you have been in a relationship with your Guy who is pretending to be straight for long, he will eventually open up about his sexual preferences and top of his list may be butt play. While not all men who love butt play are gay, him preferring you penetrating him instead of him penetrating you all the time should be a red flag.

Also, if the Guy insists on hearing you talk dirty about him having sexual encounters with other men he could be gay. It may only make sense if he has a wide range of unconventional sexual preferences, but if gay sex is the only thing that turns him on, he is probably gay.

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16. He Watches Gay Porn

A gay man will get turned on by gay pornography more than heterosexual pornography videos. If you catch your man watching gay porn, he will deny it and give an excuse like his friend used his phone or he accidentally clicked on the wrong link. However, according to an article by  Cosmopolitan Trusted Source The Percentage of Straight Men Who Watch Gay Porn The percentage of straight men watching gay porn might surprise you. www.cosmopolitan.com , it is pretty normal for heterosexual guys to watch gay porn. If the gay porn consistently appears on his web history then it should be an issue.

17. He Looks at Men’s Pictures with More Interest

Just like he would easily notice handsome men in real life, a gay guy will notice and look at men’s pictures with more interest. Anytime you are looking at random photos with him, he will compliment the good looking men and talk about their attractive features.

18. He Uses Queer Dating Apps

If you discover that your man has a profile on a queer dating app, he is queer. A heterosexual man would never have a profile on a gay dating site because queer dating sites are for seeking gay sex. The internet has made it easy for gay people to hook up. They don’t have to go to gay bars to find partners.

19. He’s Admitted to Hooking Up with a Guy

If the Guy admits to you that he once hooked up with a guy, there is no need to look for more evidence. Whether he was drunk or high on something, hooking up with a man is a clear indication that he is not straight. Unlike women, heterosexual men barely experiment with their sexuality. According to an article by  New York Mag, Trusted Source Male Same-Sex Experimentation - Nymag It’s acceptable—even a little chic—for straight women
to have a gay fling or two. But it’s a whole other story when otherwise straight men do it.
many heterosexual men who experiment do it covertly and often stop before intercourse. They refuse to admit that they are gay or bisexual and claim that they are only sexually progressive.

20. Several People Have Told You So

If your friends, relatives, and other people that know the Guy have told you that he is gay based on their observation, then he is probably pretending to be straight. You may have suspicions and be biased in your judgment, but the people around you will see the Guy for what he is based on his behavior.

21. Suspicious Conversations

Your man may tell you he has friends who are secretly gay and that would be a non-issue but if they meet up and they have secret conversations you should be worried. If you have been suspecting he is gay for a while and you notice he acts feminine around his gay friends, makes lingering eye contact, speaks in code and keeps whispering about stuff he could be gay as well.

22. You Can Feel It in Your Gut

If your intuition tells you he is gay, take your time and investigate. If the Guy is pretending to be straight, he may never admit to you that he is gay. Listen to your intuition and start investigating the Guy before confronting him.

Is My Boyfriend Gay?

As mentioned earlier, gay men can get into heterosexual relationships to guard their secrets. ‘Is my boyfriend gay signs’ is one of the internet’s most popular search queries concerning gay men. Here are signs that your boyfriend is gay;

  1. He has a profile on queer dating apps.
  2. He does not enjoy being intimate with you.
  3. His browsing history shows that he frequently visits gay porn sites.
  4. He frequently flirts with men.
  5. He prefers to be penetrated in the anus during sex.
  6. His closest friends are people who appear to be gay or in the closet.

Final thoughts

A gay man pretending to be straight is quite common due to various reasons. If you suspect that your boyfriend or any guy around you is gay, do a thorough investigation before asking them. Also, when discussing the issue, try not to come across as judgmental. If he is someone you intend to marry or be in a long-term relationship with, you would rather not. Many women who have been married to gay closeted men say they saw some signs but ignored them.

We have discussed virtually all the signs a guy is pretending to be straight. The signs will help you figure out if your boyfriend, husband, colleague or best friend is in the closet. Do not ignore any of the signs and save yourself from unnecessary heartbreak.


Speech Acoustic Features: A Comparison of Gay Men, Heterosexual Men, and Heterosexual Women - PMC
Potential differences between homosexual and heterosexual men have been studied on a diverse set of social and biological traits.
The Percentage of Straight Men Who Watch Gay Porn
The percentage of straight men watching gay porn might surprise you.
Male Same-Sex Experimentation - Nymag
It’s acceptable—even a little chic—for straight women
to have a gay fling or two. But it’s a whole other story when otherwise straight men do it.
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