Thorough Guide to Sensual Domination

In this article, we will explore the world of sensual domination - how to practice it with your partner, how many roles and scenarios are there and what makes it so enjoyable
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Last updatedLast updated: March 15, 2024
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What are your first thoughts when someone mentions BDSM? Whips and chains, perhaps? While some people in the BDSM community go that far, many prefer the more low-key approach to sensual domination. Whether you want to dip your toes into the BDSM waters or just want to spice up your sex life, sensual domination is a creative experience that will fulfill many desires. The best part about this practice is you can go at your own rate. You can start slow and experiment or you can dive in and create an overwhelming experience. We’ll walk you though different ways to create sensual domination, whether you are male or female, in a heterosexual relationship or a homosexual relationship. We hope we can help you add a bit more excitement to the bedroom!

What is Sensual BDSM

While sensual BDSM has a power element to it, the focus is on pleasure and not pain. This is good news for those that want either the thrill of power or the acceptance of submission but don’t want to use whips or paddles.

While props and toys are used, they are more to enhance the experience. Think about teasing in sex but a bit more extreme. The goal is to tease out an orgasm, leaving your partner in agony wanting more. The caveat is that you always deliver on that something more.

Another aspect that separates sensual BDSM from regular BDSM is that the focus is mostly on sexual acts. BDSM can have a power dynamic that exists throughout the day, with punishment given out on different behaviors. A Dom usually remains in the role the whole time, not just during sex.

With sensual BDSM, the focus is on sex. You can be in a relationship with equal power dynamics but change roles slightly during sex.


What makes sensual dominance so much fun is definitely the gear. Start with something simple like a blindfold. You can use a store-bought blindfold, a tie, or even a shirt. The point is to make one person more aware of their sensations while also being more at the mercy of the other person.

If you want a sensitive aspect to sex, you can try something like ice cubes which add a bit of risk and excitement. We don’t, however, recommend something like hot wax. Even though it is often shown in movies, hot wax can burn and can be far too painful to be enjoyed.

For those that want to take sensual domination up a bit, you can try out more traditional BDSM gear. Men may want to try a vibrating cock ring, and if you can find one with a remote control for more dominance, all the better. As for women, clit clamps are a sexy way to add a bit of pain along with maximum pleasure.


One of the more creative aspects of any type of BDSM is crafting a scenario. This is where both people agree before-hand on an imagined encounter. It’s always thrilling to imagine being someone else, and sensual domination lends itself well to different scenarios.

The most important part of any scenario is that both people need to agree ahead of time. Some scenarios involve pretend abuse and this can be very triggering for anyone with a history. Furthermore, if you are going to more extreme scenarios, you will want to employ the use of a safe word. This allows either person to end the scenario immediately.

Common scenarios include a home invasion in which one person is tied up and pretend tortured. A blindfold and comfortable handcuffs are great props.

Another scenario might include a maid or servant. You can play at punishing them if they haven’t made the bed properly. For this you might want to use a spanking paddle. While more extreme punishment tools, such as whips and canes are not recommended, there are softer paddles available that work well with sensual domination.

Rules for Sensual Domination

If you’re ready to dive into sensual domination, there are a few rules or guidelines to consider first. They will help you better understand this sexual category.

1.      No punishment

While small amounts of pain are ok, punishment is not. There should be no given expectations and punishments if these expectations are not met. Furthermore, there should be no punishments based on behavior outside the bedroom.

Often in BDSM relationships, a sub is punished if they pleasure themselves, talk with other people, or don’t keep the house clean. Sensual domination is more about the sexual act. It allows both parties to keep their individual identities and live their lives in relative normalcy.

BDSM has entered pop culture Trusted Source Kinky Roots: How BDSM crept into fashion and popular culture BDSM’s fashion and pop culture moments , in books, media, and even fashion. But remember that while there are many people that ascribe to this lifestyle, most people want something a bit paired back from this extreme.

2.      Be gentle

Sensual domination is not about pushing boundaries. It is not about seeing how far your partner can go without stopping. Instead, it’s about heightening experiences and pleasure is always the goal.

Those who are new to this realm should start small. Use a feather tickler to provoke different reactions. You can focus on teasing or extending foreplay. Massage is also a good idea. There are specially made massage candles that actually allow you to drip this wax on your skin. You can set the mood and add a bit of texture and exploration to the mix.

If you want to add a level of restraint to your sensual dominance, you can use cuffs that are made from soft leather or even fur. They won’t dig into your skin and as long as you don’t strap them on too tight, the person tied up can actually slip out of them.

3.      Level the pain

If pain leads to pleasure than it can be used in sensual dominance. Pain should never be felt on its own, such as being caned for a mistake and then not being sexually fulfilled. More so, if your partner begins to associate small amounts of pain with large amounts of pleasure, they will be more receptive to the initial pain.

There are many easy ways to employ a bit of pain in sex. Biting or small nips on a body can really enhance anything. Start by biting common areas, such as the neck or ears. Then, head to more sensitive areas, such as breasts or inner thighs. Gradual is the best way to insert a bit of pain.

Nipple and clit clamps are also gentle ways to incorporate pain. You can attach them, tug them gently, and your partner will get that dual experience of a bit of pain followed by pleasure from such sensitive areas.

Finally, the use of butt plugs is another way to level the pain. At first uncomfortable, your partner will soon come to enjoy the sensation and you can gradually use larger butt plugs and perhaps even experience with anal sex. There are many attractive toys, such as the Lovehoney Jeweled Metal Large Butt Plug 3.5 Inch. It has a large jewel on the outside that adds a definite sexy appeal to anyone.

4.      Listen to partner

Unless you are engaging in more serious scenarios, the use of a safe word generally isn’t needed in sensual domination. However, if you are a bit unsure, it is always wise to discuss it with your partner and create your own safe word. If you’re not sure how to pick a safe word, this list from Bustle Trusted Source The Most Common Safe Words People Use During Sex A Lovehoney survey found the most popular safe words partners use when engaging in rougher sex, BDSM, role playing, or other kinds of kink. can help you out.

If you don’t have one, be sure to listen to your partner. Pay attention to how they are reacting. If all they are feeling is pain, then you need to change tactics. There are many toys and scenarios you can use so it’s fun to experiment with them all.

5.      Aftercare

In traditional BDSM relationships, aftercare is extremely important. This is where the dominant checks in with the submissive to ensure they are both physically and emotionally ok. Even with something gentler like sensual domination, aftercare should be an important part.

Talk with your partner about what worked and what didn’t. Run them a bath, have a cuddle, and prepare their favorite food. The more you can show you care about the person, the more willing they will be to try sensual dominance again.

How To Dominate a Man Gently

Whether you are a gay man or a straight woman, you might have the urge to dominate another man.


Perhaps your man wants to pretend to be a paid escort. You can instruct him to perform oral sex on you and then when it is your turn to reciprocate, you can string him along with plenty of teasing, small bites, and even the addition of a butt plug.

The old trope of a bored housewife is always a favorite. Have your man pretend to be a plumber or electrician, and then come on to him slowly as he tried to maintain his professionalism. If you can get your partner to actually fix something broken around the house, all the better!


There are many toys and gears to dominate a man but one of the best is a chastity cage. This slips over a penis and is just tight enough so that when a man becomes erect it hurts a bit. While traditional BDSM may make the chastity kit tight, we recommend something a bit more forgiving, such as the CB-3000 Male Chastity Cage Kit. While it does have a lock on the outside, you can always choose to keep it open to feel less confining.

Sensual Domination for Women

There are many types when sensual lesbian domination is acted out, or even if you are in a heterosexual relationship.


There always seems to be more scenarios for women who are being dominated than for men, so here you really have a plethora of choices. Classic examples are schoolgirls, secretaries, or maids where man plays powerful and strict Master who controls everything that follows.

If you want to have a novel experience, you can pretend to be a photographer and model. Start with chaste pictures and gradually lead your subject into more risqué roles. As a bonus, you can use a real camera or phone and have some kinky pictures to look at later.


Who doesn’t love to wear a new outfit? Sexy lingerie is a must but if you are into creative scenarios, why not pick up a costume? A maid’s outfit or a schoolgirl outfit are both easily found. Do up your hair appropriately. Bonus points for pigtails as they are easily manipulated.

There are lots of cute handcuffs with fake fur on them that are dazzling and sexy. Similarly, heels and stockings really complete an outfit.

Final Thoughts

Vanilla sex may be ok but there comes a point when most couples want to spice things up a bit. BDSM is always seen as the alternative but along with it comes an extreme power dynamic and possibly a fair bit of pain. There must be something in the middle, surely. Sensual domination is when one person has slightly more power than another person during sex but the goal is not to hurt or punish the other person but rather to enhance their pleasure. You can use toys such as butt plugs and eye masks, and even engage in different scenarios. The point of sensual domination is to create the best sexual experience for your partner. A bit of pain may be involved but nothing is withheld and the goal is always to experience a mind-altering orgasm.


Kinky Roots: How BDSM crept into fashion and popular culture
BDSM’s fashion and pop culture moments
The Most Common Safe Words People Use During Sex
A Lovehoney survey found the most popular safe words partners use when engaging in rougher sex, BDSM, role playing, or other kinds of kink.
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